{"id":3276,"date":"2017-11-09T14:39:25","date_gmt":"2017-11-09T19:39:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.afcpe.org\/?p=3276"},"modified":"2019-04-23T15:44:11","modified_gmt":"2019-04-23T19:44:11","slug":"bridging-the-gap-between-money-and-our-emotional-messages","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.afcpe.org\/news-and-publications\/blog\/bridging-the-gap-between-money-and-our-emotional-messages\/","title":{"rendered":"Bridging the Gap between Money and Our Emotional Messages"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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My goal as the creator of Money Habitudes\u00ae<\/sup>\u00a0has been to make it easy for people make the connection between our financial behaviors and our emotional messages.<\/p>

When individuals seem to be facing the same financial challenges repeatedly, it\u2019s a good bet that their behavior is actually fulfilling an important emotional need. By identifying the motivation and emotional payoffs for their seemingly irrational behavior, they can either work through those needs or use strategies to get their needs met in less financially demanding ways.\u00a0Here are three examples of people who were able to successfully resolve their perpetual financial challenges by identifying their emotional needs from the conversations that resulted when they saw their Money Habitudes\u00ae\u00a0<\/sup>results.<\/p>

  1. Fran, a single mom, was continually struggling to make ends meet. She spent way too much money buying her daughters trendy clothes, music lessons and experiences that she believed would be good for them. \u00a0She discovered that because she felt cheated growing up, she took great pleasure buying everything for her girls so she could live vicariously through them. That insight had not been obvious to Fran and realizing it made it easier for her to judge what did and didn\u2019t have real value for her daughters. She was open to learning how to shop differently and how to find resources that would provide excellent experiences for children without the high price tag.\u00a0Fran\u2019s spending was more focused, and she got it under control.
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  2. Lynn was nearing retirement and was constantly giving away her money.\u00a0 Her financial planner had warned her not to jeopardize her financial future. Even though she felt it was out of control, she couldn\u2019t stop herself. Through our conversation, she had a new perspective and questions to ask her older brother.\u00a0He told her that although she was too young to remember before their father died, her mother had felt trapped in an abusive marriage because she had no means of support.\u00a0Her mother\u2019s demands for academic excellence and her constantly absence working two jobs was to ensure that her daughter could go to college and be self-supporting. That was her way of loving her.\u00a0Once Lynn realized that she had been loved, she began to gradually learn to love herself and realize she didn\u2019t need to \u201cbuy\u201d friendships. She continued to be generous but in a healthier, more financially responsible way.
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  3. In spite of a commitment to his wife to buy a house, James could never seem to save enough money make the down payment successfully. He got pretty close three times, but then gambled the money away each time. Strangely, he was not a gambler at other times. He didn\u2019t understand it himself. Here\u2019s what he realized.\u00a0He grew up hearing his parents constantly complain about all the \u201cno good rich folks\u201d who lived in luxury and didn\u2019t fix up the rundown rental properties where he and his family lived.\u00a0Then there were the stories of the \u201cno good rich folks\u201d who swindled his grandparents out of their home.\u00a0Homeownership had come to signify becoming like those \u201cno good rich folks.\u201d\u00a0He couldn\u2019t tolerate that image, so he subconsciously sabotaged himself.\u00a0That insight helped him challenge his old messages about homeowners, and he was successful on his fourth try.<\/li><\/ol>

    In each of these situations, a logical reason to change behaviors would be overwhelmed by the reinforcing emotional payoffs.\u00a0To be as effective as possible, financial professionals would be well served to encourage conversations that help clients see the connection between their persistent financial behaviors and their emotional messages.\u00a0Using financial coaching techniques, developing excellent listening skills and reaching out to work with other professionals who are more skilled in these emotional areas are all ways to help your clients be more successful. And I would be remiss if I didn\u2019t mention that Money Habitudes\u00ae\u00a0<\/sup>\u00a0cards or the online version are a proven way to start conversations that often lead to these types of insights in a non-judgmental, non-threatening way.<\/p>

    Guest Contributor<\/strong>: Syble Solomon<\/p>

    Syble Solomon is the founder of LifeWise Strategies, a popular speaker on the psychology of money, the creator of Money Habitudes\u00ae<\/sup>\u00a0and an executive coach. AFCPE honored her as the Mary Ellen Edmondson Educator of the Year, and the North Carolina Jump$tart Coalition named her the Outstanding Contributor to the Financial Education of Youth. She has been the keynote speaker for events for universities, international women\u2019s groups, independent financial planners, the NFL and non-profit organizations. Washington Post\u2019s financial columnist Michelle Singletary called Money Habitudes\u00a0the simple, but extraordinarily insightful game.\u00a0<\/em>It is available in the original card version for adults (English and a new Spanish version), teens and young adults (also a new version) and the new online version.\u00a0 Contact her at\u00a0syble@lifewise.us<\/a>\u00a0or www.moneyhabitudes.com.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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